


The Moon and the Sun

by faerierequiem



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4479287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerierequiem/pseuds/faerierequiem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Helen/Blue fic that takes place in an AU where there are castles and royalty and swords. Blue is part of an all-female army, which Helen is the leader of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moon and the Sun

_ I am the sunshine and you are the moon  
_

_We live under different skies_

_But if the sun could open his heart to the moon_

_I’m sure he would say_

_-_

_Moon, should I try to hide_

_The way I feel inside?_

_Moon, oh would you be mine_

_If I could melt your heart?_

– Cécile Corbel, “Sho’s Song”

* * *

The fire crackled brightly in the night. The flames leapt eagerly into the air, bursting into sparks that shone quickly before fading away into the darkness. Blue closed her eyes. She felt the heat against her eyelids and she withdrew her hands from the fire, clasping them tightly to her belly instead.

“You fought well today.”

Blue quickly opened her eyes and sat up straighter. “Why, Lady Gansey, thank you.”

“Now I’ve told you this: Call me Helen.”

Blue held back a wince at the disapproving, stern tone of the words. “Yes, Helen.”

Helen nodded. “That’s better.” She sat down next to Blue and held her hands out to the fire. There was a slight smile to her lips. Her eyes–usually hazel–were now black, lit by the firelight, and she wore her long hair in its usual braid.

“You also fought well today,” Blue said, “as always.”

Helen shook her head. “Today’s battle was not my best, but you and the girls made up for it magnificently.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “My parents must feel like fools for not sending us out to the front with my brother.”

“They underestimate the force of female warriors,” Blue said, remembering something her mother, Maura, and the women of her home had always said.

Helen nodded in agreement. “Indeed. We may not be large in numbers, but the casualties we bestow and what we are able to protect should speak more for us than the fact that we have breasts.” She paused and her smile widened. “Nevertheless, I am proud of all of you.”

Blue tried to return the smile, but she must have been unable to wash away the grimness from her face for Helen frowned.

“What is the matter?” She turned towards Blue, eyebrows drawing together in worry.

“War…” Blue hesitated, reluctant to appear weak in front of her leader, but the truth came out anyways. “War is a heavy burden at times.”

Helen nodded in understanding, mouth set and eyes solemn. “Indeed. I do not blame you for feeling that way. War is a gruesome, horrible game and it is cruel on its players.”

“Mercy would be welcomed,” Blue admitted.

Helen made a noise of agreement.

They sat in silence for a moment before Blue got to her feet. “Well, I bid you a good night,” she said and quickly added, “Helen.”

Helen smiled. Her face was a mystery of half-shadows in the night. “Good night, Blue. Sweet dreams.”

* * *

_The roars of rage and screams of fear are loud in her ears, almost deafeningly so. She can hear nothing else. Not even her own breaths, heavy as she whips around her sword, cutting down enemies, and jumps over the bodies of the fallen to seek out more to fight._

_She does not keep an eye out for her warriors, knowing they will be fine without her supervision, trusting them to stay alive. It is a promise they have all made to each other: To live. So far no one has broken that promise. Every night she is thankful for that. After battle, she will see all of the girls, bloody and exhausted and perhaps wounded, but alive, blessedly alive. They will all be legends, remembered for centuries to come._

_A man aims for her, but before he can even make the fatal move, she stabs him through the chest. Surprise flashes across his face as he falls to the ground._

_She does not linger on the fallen and immediately readies herself for the next attacker. There are many, having heard of her and wanting to prove her invincibility wrong. They are all foolish, but being underestimated works in her favor, so although she grits her teeth in distaste, she is willing to accept their poor misjudgment of her. After all, she won’t be the one paying the price._

_The battle has been winding on for hours. When the end draws near, she can feel it in her blood and she knows: They have won._

* * *

That night Helen surprised them all with bottles and bottles of mead.

“In celebration of today’s victory!” She shouted over the delighted merriment, holding up her cup of mead in one hand. Her other hand laid on the hilt of her sword. Her chin tilted upwards, proudly.

Blue couldn’t help but stare in wonder. Helen always seemed too good to be human, but it was during moments like these where Helen could not possibly be anything other than a Goddess, walking the Earth to lead the kingdom’s first band of female warriors to untold heights of riches and glory.

Helen caught Blue’s eye before she could look away and a grin spread across her face.

Blue smiled back, a bit shyly, and raised her own cup towards her leader before drinking down the sweet mead. She savored the taste as the drink went down her throat. A rush of gratitude filled her as she was reminded that she had survived another battle. The mead was a better gift than she could ever ask for.

“Girls!” Helen called out. “May I please have your attention?”

The excited chatter quieted down until nothing but the sound of the fire and the woodland creatures could be heard.

“I have good news,” Helen spoke. Her voice was clear and warm like sunshine. “I have received a message that perhaps the end of the war is closer than we have thought. And it is all thanks to the brave efforts of us all and the fighters of this kingdom!”

At this part, Blue and the other girls cheered and clapped.

Helen nodded, smiling, before continuing, “The King and Queen have declared a grand celebration in honor of this great news!”

This time, the cheers and claps were loud enough to fill the night.

Standing over it all, Helen threw back her head and laughed in happiness.

* * *

They arrived at the kingdom of Old Dominion late in the afternoon the following day. Helen had started them off on the journey early that morning. The feet of some of the girls had started to ache, but at the sight of the kingdom, all was forgotten and spirits arose. Blue could feel the excited energy humming through them all and eagerly bit back her own grin.

“I can’t believe we’re here!” she heard a girl whisper with a giggle.

At the front, Helen turned her head. When they made eye-contact, Blue smiled wide and a side of Helen’s smile lifted.

Two men on horses approached the girls. As they neared closer, both got off their horses and spoke with Helen. Their voices were quiet and from where Blue stood, she could not hear them, but Helen’s reply was more than enough to clue her into what had been said.

“Escort? The girls and I do not need to be escorted! Did I not just hear you call me ‘princess’? Do you think I would not recognize my own home? Do you think I would not know  _how_ to get to my own home?” At this part, she pointed a finger in the direction of the castle. “The palace is clearly right there! I do not need an escort!”

The men spoke to her, looking frantic and apologetic.

“I would prefer if the two of you go ahead and announce our arrival to the King and Queen,” Helen interrupted, firmly.

The men nodded. Quickly, they got on their houses and rode off.

Helen nodded at the sight of them leaving, then started off again and, joyously, brimming with anticipation, the girls followed.

* * *

In order to reach the castle, they first passed through the surrounding village. Many villagers were out in preparation for the celebration, but at the sight of the girls, people stopped and stood off to the sides, watching the girls with reactions that ranged from fascination to disbelief to horror to disapproval and everything in-between.

Most of these villagers had heard of the female warriors, but never had any seen them in person before. Blue could only imagine what it must feel to like to be a spectator.

None of the girls had gotten the chance to thoroughly wash off, so the dirtiness of yesterday’s battle still marked them all. Many of the girls had cut their hair short for the war. While Blue and others had hair that had grown to the shoulders, there were those who still had hair short enough to shock. The few who had hair long enough had fashioned their hair in a single braid like Helen. Fewer had let their hair loose from their braid.

But the most important aspect–by far–was the armor they wore. The traditional battle wear of Old Dominion was the domain of men and boys, but the female warriors were the exception–and infamously so.

Helen led the way with pride. Blue knew her leader was more than aware of what she and the group stood for, what their defiance meant, how their difference would change the course of history. They were  _all_ aware, the girls and villagers alike.

Blue waved to the few little girls who stared with wide eyes. At the sight of the daughters and mothers, she felt a bang of homesickness. She thought of her family, further off in the village of Henrietta. She hadn’t been sure when she would be able to see her home again, but with the news of the possible ending of the war, she hoped it would be soon.

“That short one. Look at her.”

Blue tilted her head in the direction of the voice and spotted two, smirking men.

“I could defeat her in battle with nothing but my bare hands,” one of them said.

“Perhaps the princess protects her in battle,” the other said, “and she does nothing but hide.”

Blue stopped walking. A slow, creeping fury made its way up her legs and spread to the tips of her fingers and the top of her head. The men caught sight of her looking. One raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, Blue,” the girl behind her, Cialina, nudged her gently.

Blue shook off Cialina’s touch. She stomped up to the men and glared. “I would like to hear the both of you try to say those despicable things to my face!” she yelled.

The men stared at her before laughing.

Blue tightened her hands into fists. She did not care that they did not see her as a threat. What she did care about, however, was their disrespect. If it took a fist fight to correct them, then so be it. She spat at them and stood with her arms crossed, waiting.

When they had registered what had happened, the two men stopped laughing and eyed her.

Mockingly, Blue raised an eyebrow.

One of the men stepped forward, but before anything could happen, Helen walked up to them. Her expression was passive and her hands were clasped behind her back. She did not look away from the men as she said, “Blue, get back in line.”

Blue almost protested, but she would never disobey Helen, so with a sullen bow of her head, she rejoined the group. She did not look back to Helen and the men, but she heard Helen’s voice clearly through the murmurs and noise.

“I apologize for Blue’s actions,” Helen spoke. “Although please understand that there is a reason why I personally chose her to be a part of this group. And”–her voice hardened–“understand that she puts her life on the line to protect this kingdom, so I humbly ask of you both to rethink your own actions, which in this case are  _not entirely faultless_.”

At the sound of the men’s faint apologies, Blue glanced at the ground and held back a smile.

* * *

“Blue!”

Blue stirred in her sleep, trying to ignore the voice.

“Blue, wake up!”

Grumpily, Blue opened her eyes to see Cialina peering down at her. “What is it?”

“Prince Richard and his band of warriors have recently arrived!” Cialina said, excitedly.

Blue sat up in bed, her eyes widening. A quick glance around told her that other than Cialina and herself, the chamber room was entirely empty. She had been the last to wake.

Cialina looked as if she was itching to leave. “They’re all in the courtyard!” She finally said before departing.

Blue threw off her blanket and hurried to get dressed. It had been a long time since she had worn a dress and, as simple as her dress was, it would take her a while to get used to it. Her legs felt uncomfortably free. She smoothed down her hair, not bothering to take the time to brush through it, and rushed out of the room, down the stairway, and to the courtyard. Her heart thudded at the thought of reuniting with those she had not seen in what felt like ages.

As Blue neared the courtyard, she caught sight of her fellow warriors mixed in with the new arrivals, enthusiastically greeting their brothers or lovers or friends. Many people milled about, but it did not take her very long to spot two familiar figures.

Blue burst into a sprint. A smile bloomed across her face. “Adam! Ronan!”

Adam and Ronan turned around just in time for Blue to throw her arms around the both of them. She pulled them close, trying to think of words to say, but when she stepped back from the group embrace, she was still speechless. She could only stare at them. It almost felt too good to be true.

They both looked older somehow. Ronan’s hair had grown out, dark and thick, different from the last time when she’d seen it cropped nearly to baldness. Adam had filled out more and was more man than the young man he’d been before.

She wondered if they could see how war had changed her, too. She knew she had grown stronger, swifter, but she felt as if she’d been changed more internally than externally. Could they see that?

Finally, Ronan smiled a familiar, sly smile. “Hello, Blue.”

Blue returned the smile. “Hello, Ronan.”

“When did all of you arrive?” Adam asked. He was looking around the courtyard, seeming almost overwhelmed at the sight of all the girls.

“Yesterday,” Blue answered. “We beat you all by a day. Unsurprisingly, really.”

“Well, we were fighting closer to the border,” Ronan argued.

Blue shrugged. “It’s not my fault that we weren’t stationed there, too.” She wished they had been.

Blue could still remember Helen’s frustration when she’d been given order that the girls would be protecting crops in Rockingham rather than keeping the enemy from entering their territory in the South. For weeks afterwards, Helen had stubbornly insisted (rather to herself or the group or both), “Crops are vital to the sustenance of this kingdom. We are trusted to an important position in keeping the farmers and their fields safe.”

“Never mind where you were stationed, I’m proud of you,” Adam said, placing a hand on Blue’s shoulder.

Blue smiled, grateful.

Ronan surveyed the courtyard and laughed. “You should’ve seen how excited our army was to meet the female warriors, but now that they’re here, they are all trying to act so composed.”

Blue glanced around and caught sight of the boys standing off to the sides, faces carefully calm. “Truly?” She asked, highly amused.

Ronan nodded, still laughing. “Truly.”

“I heard one boy say he feared meeting all of you more than he does the enemies,” Adam added.

They all burst out laughing.

“That may be wise,” Blue managed to say between her laughter. “Just maybe.”

When they had managed to calm down, Blue perked up, unable to believe that she hadn’t noticed sooner. “Where is Noah?”

The mirth from Ronan and Adam’s faces disappeared so quickly that Blue’s breath caught in her throat. She felt her eyes fill with tears, trying to wrap her mind around the horrible, unspoken words. It had never occurred to her that she would not see any of her friends ever again. Indeed she had worried through plenty of nights about it, but worrying about the possibility was so much different than the confrontation of cruel, irreversible reality. She didn’t know what to say, what to think, what to do.

A simple “oh” came out from Blue’s mouth, almost a squeak, and she struggled to compose herself as she remembered the last time she’d seen Noah. He had waved to her, a grin on his face, and he had kept on waving until she had yelled at him to stop, knowing that his arm must be tired. At her words, Noah stopped and shouted something to her, but the words he’d shouted then were now halfway blurred to forgotten as she tried to keep from crying.

Something hard and complicated came over Ronan’s eyes as he drew her in for a hug.

In the comfort of Ronan’s arms, Blue felt free to cry, so she buried her face into his chest and wept for Noah.

* * *

Up in her chamber room, Helen tried to keep from tearing her hair from her head. She let out an agitated breath and looked away from her brother, who stood near the window looking out, eyes blank, expression pensive, somehow managing to be even more annoying in silence than he had been moments prior in speaking.

She glared down at her stone floor, found that didn’t help to calm down her anger, and gripped a ball of her hair tighter in her hand. “Gansey, for the love of this kingdom, I ask you to rethink your decision,” she managed to say as civilly as she could.

“I am thinking of the kingdom,” Gansey said. “And every time I come to the conclusion that you would be the better ruler.”

Helen held back a laugh. “You have been fated to be king ever since you were old enough to stand on your own two feet! And now all of a sudden, you think that going off on a quest for some long-dead and forgotten mystical figure is what’s more important?” She demanded. The idea was absolutely insane. “The people expect a king, not a queen!”

“My heart would not be in it,” Gansey said. His voice was soft and achingly raw. “It hasn’t been for a long time now. The war has helped me realize that. The people deserve better than I. They deserve you.”

Helen felt her hand began to tremble. She let go of her hair and instead gripped her dress, trying to steady herself. “You are being childish.”

“No.” Gansey looked up at her; his gaze impenetrable and hauntingly old against his young face. “I am acknowledging the truth.”

“Well,” Helen began, “if you truly insist in taking up this outlandish proposition, mother and father are in the throne room. I do not understand why you are here speaking to me when you are so set upon it.”

Gansey’s answer was quick and matter-of-fact. “You were able to convince them to let you lead a female army into battle.”

“That is different.”

“How?”

Helen bit back a sneer. “Get out.”  _Stubborn fool._

Alarm flashed across Gansey’s face, but he made no movement to leave. “Helen, please. I don’t mean to offend you. I only want you to know that you are remarkable–”

“Leave!”

“–and capable of anything. You will be the finest ruler this kingdom has ever had!” Gansey’s voice was desperate. “My heart may not feel for this kingdom as it should, but what I have said I believe with all my heart to be true!”

Suddenly, the air to the room became sickeningly suffocating. She could not be trapped in here any longer. If Gansey wouldn't, then she would be the one to leave behind all this foolishness.

Helen turned her back to her brother and made her way to the door. She halted before stepping out, but was unable to leave any parting words, so she said nothing and closed the door behind her with a loud  _thud_.

* * *

Sunshine lit the clouds and the leaves of trees in a gorgeous glow. The blue of the sky was vast like opportunity and the aroma of the flowers sweet like promise. Today was summer at its best, the weather was warm, the breeze gentle, the world a hue of golds and greens and blues.

Blue found it strange how the memories of a day would never go hand-in-hand with the beauty of it. She stared down at her hands as she thought this, trying to pay attention to Adam and Ronan’s conversation, but being unsuccessful. She had lost track of what they were now smiling about.

The three of them had departed to the royal garden and now sat on a bench next to the lilies, Adam between Ronan and Blue.

“Blue?”  
At the sound of her name, Blue looked towards Adam and Ronan, but they were both looking past her and she realized that neither of them had spoken. The voice belonged to someone else.

Helen stood underneath the shade of a nearby tree. One of her hands rested on a branch above her.

Blue stared. It had been strange for Blue to not have to wear her armor after so long, but the sight of Helen not in armor was even stranger. Instead, Helen wore a simple, green dress that fell easily to the grass and caressed her upper half. Her hair was free from its braid and loose in waves. Helen looked more like the princess that she was, not the leader Blue had come to know, but all the same, her powerful presence remained.

Helen broke the silence. “Ronan. Adam. It is good to see the two of you.”

“Likewise, Lady Gansey,” Adam said.

Blue tried to listen as Adam and Ronan exchanged a few pleasantries with Helen, but between Helen’s appearance and Noah’s absence, it was difficult to focus. She let out a sigh and glanced up at the sky, almost wishing that she was in battle. At least in battle she would have to think of other things.

When she felt Adam stand up next to her, Blue started in surprise and quickly looked away from the sky. Both Adam and Ronan had gotten to their feet. Helen stepped out from underneath the tree and in the sun, she was a sight to behold. Blue felt like a speck of dust in comparison.

“Gansey will most likely be in the throne room,” Helen said. “If he isn’t, then he will be in his chamber room.”

Adam thanked her.

Ronan patted Blue on the head. “We’ll see you later.”

Blue smiled at him, finding herself not annoyed like she usually was when Ronan patted her. “Of course.”

Adam gave her a smile and nod before following after Ronan.

When the two had retreated from the garden, Helen moved to sit next to Blue. “Are you simply enjoying this fine day or is your silence the result of something else?” She asked.

All too soon Blue felt her eyes prickle with tears. She bit her lip and struggled to compose herself. In a voice more unsteady than she wanted, Blue replied, “One of my dearest friends didn’t make it back from battle.” A sob gasped out of her and she threw her hands over her mouth. Now that she had finally voiced out loud the awful truth her emotions threatened to choke her like an unrelenting, nightmarish sea.

Helen was quiet, but Blue felt her near closer and stilled.

Silence fell between them, heavy and poignant.

Then, Helen stood up. Blue watched quietly as she bent down to raise the hem of her dress and tie it around her knees. “Come." Helen held out her hand. “Let’s run.”

Blue blinked, dumbfounded, but she reached up and placed her hand in Helen’s.

Helen pulled Blue to her feet. After a reassuring squeeze, she let go of Blue’s hand and waited patiently as Blue tied up her own dress. Amusement crossed her face when she saw Blue’s bare feet.

Blue flushed, sheepishly. “I didn’t find it necessary to put on shoes this morning.”

“Do not be embarrassed.” Helen lifted her feet to take off her own shoes. “Running barefoot is much more fun.” She threw her shoes off to the side and pressed her feet down to the grass. “Ah, this feels much better!” With that, she started off like a deer through a forest.

Blue followed, unable to help but laugh at the wildness of it all. Helen led her through the garden. The flowers waved at them as they passed by. Instead of veering off to the fields, Helen turned towards the castle and Blue felt her jaw drop. “Are we running through the palace?”

Helen turned to face her, managing to run backwards as gracefully as she did forwards. A corner of her mouth was tilted upwards in daring. “We can run around the whole palace if we want to!”

Blue raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?”

The remaining corner of Helen’s mouth only lifted in reply before she turned.

They entered the castle halls. Helen jumped in the air, letting out a joyful holler. Blue echoed the holler with one of her own and laughed as they ran down the hallway and turned a corner. The pounding of her feet on the stone floor filled Blue with freedom and happiness. Every lungful of air that she breathed in eased away her troubles and she felt all the care in the world lift from her chest, liberating her.

Blue glanced at Helen from the corner of her eye. With Helen’s hair trailing behind her and her legs quick like the wings of a bird, it was easy to see her as both princess and warrior. A spirit that had lain dormant before now radiated from Helen, both elegant and fierce. Few would ever reach Helen’s level of existence and the amazing part of it was Helen didn’t even have to try. She just  _was_. Even fewer would be capable of that. Blue doubted she would ever meet anyone like Helen in her lifetime.

They neared the courtyard. As they passed, Helen leapt in the air and turned to shout at the girls, drawing their attention. Blue grinned as eyes looked upon them. The other girls joined them, laughing and smiling and hooting, and like a pack of earnest wolves, they followed the ethereal deer through the halls.

* * *

Blue could not sleep.

She lay on her bed, stared up at the darkness, and listened to the faint snores and breathing around her. The sounds should have lulled her to sleep, but she felt far too awake for midnight. The day felt like a dream. Meeting Adam and Ronan after so long, learning of Noah’s death, running with Helen and her fellow warriors… It was as if she had dreamt it all and had only now awoken.

Blue sat up. She rubbed at her eyes and reached underneath her bed for her sword. Unlike her armor, she had not allowed for her sword to be separated from her. She kept her steps light as she exited the chamber room. The castle was quiet, except for the wind, which seemed to bring out ghosts that creaked and resonated from within the walls.

Her destination was on the far side of the castle. On the way, she passed the throne room and it was oddly more massive in its emptiness. She ran her hand along the scabbard of her sword and a comfort fell over her, soothing like a blanket on a cold day.

At last, Blue reached a stairway and walked up the winding stairs to a door that opened to the top of the tower. She twisted the door knob and stepped out into the night sky. She smiled to herself at the nearness of the stars. Now here was somewhere she wanted to be.

A sound caught her attention. Blue squinted into the moonlight. She wasn’t alone. A figure moved across the tower, halting and maneuvering what Blue recognized was a sword. Her smile widened. “Helen?”

The figure stopped and then approached Blue. “Is that your sword I see with you?” It was Helen’s voice.

“Yes.” Blue held up her sword.

There was a smile on Helen’s face. In the moonlight, her eyes seemed to twinkle. “It’s almost as if we planned this.”

“Or perhaps this is destiny,” Blue suggested, jokingly.

Helen laughed. “Perhaps.” She titled her head as if in thought. “Didn’t we practice up here once or twice?”

Blue nodded. “We did. You knocked me off my feet the first time.”

Helen laughed even more. “I did?”

“You did,” Blue said. “If I remember correctly, you found me too arrogant and wanted to teach me a lesson.” That was true, although Blue had barely been able to admit that even to herself at the time. She had come from Henrietta, had grown up with sword fighting, had thought some dainty-looking princess would have nothing to prove. Little did she know how wrong she was. Helen had more than gladly shown her how wrong she was.

Helen seemed to approve of this memory. “Sounds about right.”

Blue felt a sting of competitiveness. “Rematch?”

Helen studied her. In the darkness, it was hard to tell what she was thinking, but then she nodded. “Of course. I’m always willing.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Blue took her sword out from its scabbard. “I was worried you wouldn’t be. I  _have_ improved since then.”

Helen let out a laugh. “You still are arrogant!” She turned and positioned herself closer towards the center. “Let us begin.”

Blue took a stance in front of Helen and readied her arm, sword pointed outwards, preparing herself if Helen attacked before she did. She put herself in the mindset of battle–something war had made far too easy for her–and imagined that Helen was an enemy.

Blue striked first.

But Helen was far more intelligent than any enemy Blue had come across on the battlefield.

Immediately, Helen blocked her attack. Within a few seconds, Blue found herself on the defensive. She narrowed her eyes in determination and managed to switch to the offensive, only to find the roles reversed before she could do anything advantageous. The fight stretched onwards until Blue miscalculated Helen’s move and found herself lifting her sword to her head, which left the rest of her open to attack.

Helen seized the chance.

Blue felt the point of the sword near her belly. The match was over. She had been defeated.

They stood in silence.

As Blue regained her breath, she realized with slight satisfaction that Helen, too, was out of breath. That was a first. Their matches before had never lasted long enough for Helen to become aware of the necessity of air. She waited for Helen to speak, to be told that yes, she had improved or advice on what she could practice, but Helen didn’t speak.

Instead, Helen lowered her sword. With her back to the moon, her face was nothing but shadows.

Blue furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion.

Before she could open her mouth to say something, Helen reached out a hand and touched the skin below her ear. Blue’s eyes widened. Softly, Helen traced her fingers along an invisible trail on Blue: Across her jaw. To her chin. Down her throat. Across one of her collarbones. To her shoulder. Down her arm. The movement of Helen’s hand was slow, but the moment seemed to be encompassed in a single heartbeat.

Something in Blue’s chest fluttered frantically. She felt as if she’d been turned to stone, but when Helen’s palm slipped against hers, the spell was broken and she moved her hand away. “I am tired,” she heard herself say.

It was only when Helen stepped back that Blue became aware of how close they’d been standing.

“You fought well,” Helen said at last, too late.

Blue felt nothing from the compliment. Her mind was trapped with thoughts of what had just happened and what it could have meant. “Good night.” She turned for the door, picked up her scabbard along the way, and didn’t look back.

* * *

“Where were you?” Adam asked.

Blue yawned. She took a seat in front of Adam and Ronan at the table. “Getting fitted for the ball. Helen–” At Helen’s name, she halted mid-speech and tried not to let the memories of last night fester in her mind. She had already lost plenty of sleep due to it.

Adam looked at her. “Helen what?”

“She had the seamstresses prepare dresses for me and the other girls,” Blue finished, half-murmuring it. She turned to the food on the table and found that she was not very hungry, so she grabbed a pear from the fruit bowl and bit half-heartedly into it.

Ronan snickered. “I would have penned that as something Gansey would be more likely to do.”

Blue’s initial reaction was to defend Helen, because Helen cared a lot more than her easy-going, accomplished appearance let on, but Blue swallowed down the urge along with her pear and said instead, “Where is Gansey? I haven’t seen him even once so far.”

“He’s busy,” Adam said.

“No. He’s miserable,” Ronan corrected. He leaned towards Blue. “He’s thinking of turning down the crown.”

Blue nearly dropped her pear. She stared at Ronan, trying to figure out if he was fooling with her, but when Ronan didn’t crack a smile, she knew he was as honest as ever. “Then who is going to rule?” Although as soon as the question left her mouth, she knew the answer. Helen. Helen would rule.

Did Helen know? That was a silly question to wonder. Of course she knew. This was Helen.

_Fingers feather light against her skin._

Blue took a huge bite of her pear, filling her mouth to keep back the words and sounds that roared in her head.

“The war devastates Gansey,” Adam said. His expression was tight and melancholic. “Every day we were out there fighting was torture for him. I caught him breaking down once, but only the moon knows how many times he suffered in private. Yet he remained strong for all of us.” His voice wavered. “Noah died defending him. I think that’s what finally broke him. He fears becoming king. He doesn’t think he’s worthy.”

Ronan glanced down at the table, sorrow and frustration etched deep in his narrowed eyes. “That idiot. He never thinks he’s worthy. He thinks he’s the only guilty one, that it’s only his hands that are responsible, but blood stains the hands of us all.”

Suddenly, Blue found it hard to chew. She felt ill at the words, but Ronan was right. None of them were innocent.

When she was a young girl, Blue had looked up at the adults around her, saw them as strong and capable and wise, and could not wait to grow up. Now that she had, she realized how naive she’d been. Childhood was a protective skin she had shed for better or worse. She could only accept this truth: that growing up didn’t bring the changes she had hoped for. Life only got difficult and confusing. All anyone could do was try to face the obstacles with a strong head and an even stronger heart.

* * *

Blue could not stop staring at her dress. From the moment she had first laid eyes on it to now that she wore it, she couldn’t look away. The ball gown was a deep blue color. Small, silver jewels lined the bust and sparkled down to the waist like stardust. She ran her hands over the skirt in marvel. It was the softest fabric she had ever touched in her life. She felt like royalty, like an eternity, like the moon. It was breathtaking.

“Come on, Blue!”

Blue blinked and managed to look up.

Ruth, a fellow warrior, was glancing back over her shoulder at her.

Blue realized that in her wonder, she had trailed far behind the other girls. She bowed her head and hurried to catch up.

Ruth smiled. “Excited?”

“Not so much excited as I am in love with this dress,” Blue admitted.

Ruth laughed and nodded in understanding. “I feel the same.”

Blue glanced at Ruth’s ball gown. It was green in color and lined with purple embroidery and a skirt that was ruffles and ruffles galore. Blue thought it fitting of Ruth’s healing, dauntless nature.

“I hear that supposedly Lady Gansey assisted the seamstresses in the designs of our dresses,” Ruth told her.

Blue’s gaze dropped back down to her ball gown, which (now with Ruth’s news) made her feel as if she’d been thrown from one side of the universe to the other. She closed her eyes, but it was as if the stars were imprinted on the back of her eyelids. She could feel the path Helen had traced the night before like a mark branded onto her skin. Memories were burdensome things.

Blue did not have to open her eyes to know when they neared the ballroom. Music and conversation crescendoed; a distant sound that she had known only briefly from her life before war.

She was not ready for this.

They entered the ballroom.

Immediately, Blue was taken aback by how many people there were. More people than she had seen in almost a year. There was so many people that there seemed to be barely any space within the massive room to move around. Couples danced along to the musicians’ regal waltz on the dance floor, looking lost in concentration or jubilation or both. Blue spotted the King and Queen—unaccompanied by both Helen and Gansey–seated at a table towards the forefront, facing over the crowd.

Blue searched for Adam or Ronan, but found no sign of them. All of a sudden, she felt smaller, more insignificant, and missed the way she had felt before–almost desperately so.

“Would you care for a dance, miss?”

Blue started and then grinned at the familiar, good-natured face. “Matthew!”

Matthew gave her a small bow.

“You’ve grown!” With a hand, Blue gestured to the height difference between them. Before Matthew had barely been taller than her, but time had changed that as it had many things. Blue would have had to stand on tip-toes to be able to touch the top of Matthew’s blonde head with her outstretched hand.

“You’re looking very pretty, Blue,” Matthew said.

Blue blushed. “Thank you.”

“Well?” Matthew held up his hand. “May I have this dance?”

“Of course.” Blue took his hand. “I would be out of my mind to turn you down.”

Smiling, Matthew led her to the dance floor and led her through the dance. Blue was clumsy from lack of practice, but Matthew was an earnest teacher and a more than proficient dancer. Blue found herself able to laugh at her mistakes rather than blush in embarrassment.

The tempo of the waltz slowed down.

In contentment, Blue rested her chin on Matthew’s shoulder. The chandeliers above the ballroom were hazy and shiny. The sound of laughter and words blurred to the point of being hypnotic. The smell of spring and good food wafted to her nose. Was this what paradise felt like?

A voice caught Blue’s attention.  _Helen_. She did not even have to second-guess herself. She knew by the way her skin prickled, her breath caught, her nerves ignited that the voice belonged to Helen. It didn’t take her long to spot Helen amongst the crowd, rather by coincidence or magic or because it was Helen, Blue easily found her.

Helen stood surrounded by a woman and three men. She appeared to be in the middle of saying something of great importance. One of the men smiled and nodded his head. They were all captivated by her. Even two women behind Helen stood looking at her and leaned in to whisper to one another.

Helen’s mouth parted as an easy laugh poured out. Her brown hair was in a single braid and hung around over her right shoulder. Her ball gown was golden, sleek, and elegant. She was the sun. She was radiant. She was absolute. She was gorgeous. She was mesmerizing. She was a Goddess. She  _was_.

Blue did it so unconsciously, she didn’t realize she had touched her palm until Matthew turned and Helen left her line of vision.

* * *

Helen had forgotten how much she enjoyed social gatherings. When she wasn’t stuck with a haughty bore or a mother trying to persuade her how marvelous her son was, Helen found herself having a decent time. The laughter came easy, the majority of conversations were at least semi-interesting, and the drinks were plentiful. She could endure more hours of this.

Blue Sargent was another matter entirely. From the moment she had stepped into the ballroom, Helen had seen. It took her name being repeated several times before she had been able to look away. For the rest of time, Helen sought out glimpses of Blue’s dark hair and delicate limbs. There she was dancing with a blonde-haired boy. There she was talking to a boy and a girl. There she was glancing out the window, looking lost in thought.

Helen wondered if Blue liked her dress.

When she saw her brother approaching Blue, Helen tried not to think anything of it, but when the two left the ballroom, Helen felt her enjoyment for the ball had disappeared with them, and when neither Blue nor Gansey reappeared, Helen was so distracted that she excused herself before she came off as rude.

She stood in the hallway outside, allowed herself a moment to organize the thoughts in her head, and breathed in the fresh air of the summer night. Afterwards, Helen turned the corner and walked away from the ballroom. She didn’t feel like returning back so soon.

The sight of Blue and Gansey underneath the moonlight stopped her mid-step. She hid further into the shadows, trying not to let the way Blue and Gansey stood close to each other bother her, trying to look away, trying to force herself to leave. They were entitled to their own privacy. She was doing the wrong thing by staying. She gripped at her dress, tightened her jaw, and backed up against the cold wall.

An ugly emotion pricked her.  _Jealousy_. Helen was not completely unfamiliar with jealousy, although it was an emotion she felt rarely. She would have preferred it if she felt it even rarer. Especially now. She knew Blue and Gansey had fancied each other before and it should be no surprise to see that they possibly still did. It was only natural that she had found them in this manner.

But common sense did nothing for to help her. It would have before. She would have been able to put aside the matter and go back to playing the role of Princess Helen Gansey, but she was different now.

War had changed Helen. It had not hardened her, instead it had softened her. To convince herself otherwise would be futile. She loved her warriors. She didn’t just fight with the girls. She fought  _for_  them. She knew they did the same. The knowledge connected them all, but with Blue–thoughtful, strong-willed Blue–it was more than that. So much more than being brave and staying strong and working hard.

Helen tore her mind away from those thoughts. She smiled bitterly to herself. Something foul coated her tongue, filling her mouth like poison. She had never been one to dwell on sentiments and she certainly wasn’t going to start now–

Someone walked past her, steps heavy and brisk.

Helen turned her head and watched as Gansey retreated down the hall and around the corner, back to the ballroom. It took her a moment to realize that Gansey had gone alone. She stared down at the dark floor, kept her breaths even, and clasped her hands behind her. The action made her feel like a hopeful, little girl.

She stepped out from the shadows.

* * *

Blue stared up at the moon. It was a full moon, pale and round and solitary. She felt so much like the moon and it felt so much like home. It hurt how much she yearned to be back in Henrietta. She wanted to see her mother, Calla, Persephone, her aunt Jimi, and even her cousin Orla, but instead, all she had was a night sky and memories of tarot cards.

“You chose a splendid night for stargazing.”

Blue almost flinched. Carefully, she arranged the expression on her face and turned around to where Helen stood.

In the moonlight, Helen’s golden dress faded to silver and her skin was washed by chalky grays and whites. Unlike the previous night, her face was not hidden by the shadows. This gave Blue some comfort and sense of control.

“Shouldn’t you be inside, enjoying the ball?” Blue asked. She held back a cringe at the tone of her voice, which sounded harsher than she had attended it to be.

Helen made a contemplative sound. “Yes, I should be.”

Her reply was more open-ended and shorter than Blue had been expecting. Desperately, she grasped for anything else to say, but Helen beat her to it with a step forward and an outstretched hand.

“Would you mind sharing a dance with me?”

Blue’s mouth fell open. She gawked at Helen, stunned, unable to decipher if Helen was being genuine or not, and unable to decide how she would even reply. “I…” She closed her mouth.

To Blue’s greater shock, Helen seemed to falter. “If you turn down this dance, I will oblige and leave, but if you grant me–”

“But we have no music!” Blue blurted out. She flushed at the words. They rang in her ears like a childish excuse.

A small smile flickered across Helen’s lips. “If you listen closely, you can hear the music.”

Blue bit her lip and closed her eyes. She listened. Helen was right. She could still hear the music, even if only faintly. Nonetheless, she hesitated. The music had been a childish excuse after all.

Helen cleared her throat. “Blue, about the previous night: I want you to know that after the match you looked so beautiful, I couldn’t help but touch you. It was sudden of me and I apologize. I wasn’t thinking. I did not seek your permission when I should have. You–” She paused. “You look beautiful now, but I will not make the same mistake again. I promise you. I want you to know that.”

The breathlessness returned to Blue. This time, she did not hesitate. The moment she opened her eyes, she laid her hand onto Helen’s and with a smile, Helen placed a hand at her waist and they began to dance.

* * *

Helen had forgotten how short Blue was, which was silly considering how often she saw her, but distance and personality were powerful illusions, especially in the case of Blue. However, now with Blue so near and her hand in Helen’s, it was impossible not to notice how small she was. The top of Blue’s head barely surpassed her shoulders. Helen wanted to lean forward, press her nose to Blue’s hair, and breathe her in, but she was not sure if that would be allowed. The arm she had wrapped around Blue’s waist already felt like too much, so she quelled the urge and cherished the moment.

They danced slowly, hushed and serene. The music of the orchestra was simply another sound of the night, echoing into the air with the insects and the wind and the owls.

Helen never wanted to let go.

It was the slight change in the muscles of Blue’s back underneath her hand that clued Helen in to what it was Blue was going to do before she even took the step back.

Without Blue’s closeness, Helen felt empty and bare, but–and she was immensely grateful for this–Blue’s hand remained within hers.

Blue’s head tilted upwards. In the darkness, Helen managed to discern Blue’s eyes looking up at her, but Blue did not speak. She seemed to be waiting, but for what, Helen did not know. What was being expected of her? What did Blue want? Was it what Helen wanted?

Helen had never been uncertain of her goals, but she had also never been in a circumstance where the lost mattered more to her than the gain. She glanced up towards the sky, desperately trying to seek out some sign that would answer her questions. There was nothing but the stars and the moon and she knew: The choice was hers and hers alone to make.

Carefully, Helen leaned down. She kept herself steady, hearing her heart beating loudly in her chest, slowly nearing her lips towards Blue’s, and giving Blue enough time to stop her if this was not what she wanted. When she was close, closer than she had ever dreamed of, Helen’s nerves grabbed hold of her and she squeezed her eyes closed in an attempt to calm herself. Only a second more…

Then, Blue’s hand–the one Helen did not hold–was against her shoulder and Helen found her mouth press against skin instead of lips.

Startled, she opened her eyes and she felt Blue flinch.

Helen pulled away. Her pulse quickened. She stared in horror at the spot on Blue’s cheek that she had kissed. Words fell, unprocessed and sudden, from her guilty mouth. “Blue, I’m sorry. You gave me another chance and I ruined it. Forgive me. I thought that I could–”

“It’s not that,” Blue interrupted. “I assure you it’s not that.”

Blue seemed to have been about to say more, but she didn’t and Helen waited, confused and ashamed, wondering if she only wanted Blue to say more. Perhaps Blue didn’t have anything else to say at all.

This did not stop her from asking. “What is it then?”

Blue’s hand lowered from her shoulder and she turned her face away to the side. “Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been told that if I was to ever kiss my true love, he will die.”

At the mentioning of true love’s kiss, Helen’s unease faded. She knew of Blue’s psychic family and prophecies and true love, but she had never been much of a believer of any of those things. Magic and romanticism claimed Gansey, not her. She knew her disbelief was perhaps not wise to feel, but she found strength in it and repeated, “ _He_  will die?”

“Well,” Blue stammered, “yes, but–”

Helen let a tiny smile form on her face. “If your true love will be a he, then I have nothing to fear.” With her new courage, she placed her lips upon Blue’s. Helen closed her eyes. Blue’s lips were so soft and everything she had imagined them to be and more. She gave in to the pleasure that consumed her, felt greedy for more, but when she realized Blue did not kiss her back, Helen cursed her rashness and withdrew.

She did not have the time to even open her mouth before Blue’s lips were against her neck. Helen froze. Shivers erupted where Blue kissed as her lips made their way across her skin.

When she felt the smooth, moist touch of Blue’s tongue on her throat, Helen was barely able to suppress a moan. She crushed Blue against her. She ran her fingers down Blue’s spine, over and over and over again. She buried her nose into Blue’s hair like she’d wanted to before. She savored the sensation of Blue’s kisses and Blue’s front pressed to hers. She forgot herself. She was nothing but breaths and desire and warmth.

Gently, Blue moved her braid aside and kissed her shoulder. “Is… Is this alright?” Her lips brushed Helen’s skin as she asked the question and Helen sucked in a breath.

Wordlessly, Helen nodded. This was more than alright. She raised her hands, knotted one into Blue’s hair, and with the other ran her fingers through the strands.

For a maddening heartbeat, Blue was motionless, but then she titled her face upwards at Helen. “I wouldn’t mind,” she said, “if you kissed me again.”

Joy burned brightly in Helen’s chest. “Did I tell you how beautiful you are?”

Blue smiled. “You have told me that, yes.”

“And do you like your gown?” Helen felt suddenly bashful like an eager child that was too easily delighted.

“Oh, I love it so incredibly much!” Blue exclaimed. “I’d wear it for the rest of my life if I could.”

Helen laughed, pleased. “Even in battle?”

“Perhaps,” Blue said, impishly, “if it miraculously didn’t get ruined.”

Shouts burst out-of-nowhere. Helen turned her head in time to see a trio of guards marching around the corner.

“Where are you, princess?”

“Princess Helen!”

“Princess Helen, is that you?”

With a sinking heart, Helen quickly kissed Blue before she pulled away and faced the approaching guards. “Yes, it is I,” she called out. “What is it?”

One of the guards stepped forwards. “Word has been received that the enemy are planning to attack the kingdom in the morning!”

The announcement was a spit in the face. A growl of frustration escaped from between Helen’s clenched teeth as she fully comprehended the situation at hand. Now the enemy was just playing dirty. They were desperate enough to do this, but not desperate enough to admit defeat. The cowards.

She waved her hands towards the guards in dismissal. “I understand. I will have my warriors ready in time.”

The guards did not leave.

“Princess Helen, we have been given orders by the King and Queen to ensure your safety,” one of the guards spoke up. “You will be hidden away where you can remain safe and protected if need be.”

Helen was at lost for words. She felt like laughing and screaming. This decision was absurd.

“If the enemy will be attacking with all they’ve got–and it is likely they will, then we should retaliate with twice the force!” Blue broke in, her voice indignant and firm. “The kingdom will need  _all_ its fighters. This is not a time to be setting aside the female warriors! We have proven ourselves more than worthy and if we are to be in this battle, then of course our leader is coming with us!”

Helen held back a smile. She lifted a hand and Blue understood, silencing herself so that Helen could speak. Helen gazed upon the guards and raised her chin in resolution. “Please go inform the King and Queen that I will not be hidden. I told you I would have my warriors ready in time and I meant what I said. I  _will_ have them ready.”

The guards left without protest.

Helen turned around and placed a hand on Blue’s shoulder. “Thank you, Blue,” she said. Her voice was low and private as if the guards still stood behind them.

Blue nodded, a frown on her face. “All of them need to realize how wrong they are.”

“Indeed.” Helen laughed. “You are amazing.” She bent down to kiss Blue.

Blue smiled against her lips, and this time, she kissed her back.

* * *

Blue tried to convince herself that the timing had only been a coincidence. Kissing Helen and learning of the enemy’s attack in the span of minutes was simply the way things had happened. There was no need to worry, no need for the twist in her stomach, no need to wish that maybe Helen should have been hidden.

If only the world worked that way. The chaotic rush in preparing for battle had distracted her and the march out to surround the kingdom had been overwhelming enough, but now that all Blue could do was wait, her thoughts become all that she had. Her armor felt like a cage and for the first time in her life, Blue despised the sight of her sword.

Helen stood in the front as she always did. Unlike the other leaders, she was not on a horse. Helen could ride a horse well, but she preferred her own two feet and walking with the rest of the girls. Usually Blue took pride in that, but if a horse were to aid in Helen’s chances of survival, then Blue would more than insist in Helen riding one. It was too late to be thinking of that. She couldn’t get Helen a horse now. Or could she?

Blue shook her head. She needed to stop fretting. She supposed she could have slept like others did, but she didn’t bother. Sleep would be impossible. In her head, she repeated Helen’s words to herself for the endless time.  _“If your true love will be a he, then I have nothing to fear.”_  Helen was right. Nothing to fear. Nothing to fear.

The sun had begun to appear at the horizon, but there was no sign of an approaching army.

It was hard to believe that only hours before had Blue been with Helen, pressing kisses to her skin and wearing the most beautiful dress. The past felt as imaginary as the present. This moment she stood in did not feel real. She was in a dream, waiting for the nightmare to begin.

_“Blue.”_

Cialina nudged her. “Lady Gansey wants you up there.”

Blue took a deep breath and made her way to Helen’s side.

Helen neared close–tantalizingly close, her breath against Blue’s ear as she asked, “Are you alright?”

“As alright as I can be before a war,” Blue muttered.

“True. That was a silly question of me to ask.” Helen kissed her temple and withdrew. Her hand slipped into Blue’s. “This is it.”

Blue nodded. This was the final battle, the battle that would determine the outcome of the war. Everyone knew this. The warriors would fight knowing it and the ones waiting back in their homes would pray knowing it. And rather the kingdom would be victorious or defeated, Helen would live through this. She had to, because holding her hand, a small part of Blue was able to face the truth: Helen was her true love.

Nothing to fear.

“Helen.”

Helen’s eyes met with hers.

Blue weighed the words in her head and when she spoke, she pronounced them clear and sure. “You will make a magnificent queen.”

Something passed through Helen’s face, but Blue could not tell if it was surprise or another emotion entirely. She waited for Helen to speak, but however Helen was going to reply was diverted by the shouts that erupted from all around them.

Immediately, they looked towards the horizon. In the distance, a dark, moving mass was closing in. The sound of the enemies’ battle cry competed against the battle cries of those around them.

Blue’s eyes widened as Helen kissed her quickly.

“Stay safe,” Helen told her.

Then, she whipped around to face the other girls. “Our time has finally come! Let us show the kingdom of Old Dominion what we are made of!”

The girls responded aggressively, yelling at the tops of their lungs and punching their fists into the air.

Helen raised her own fist. “I will see each and every one of you when this war is finally through!”

Blue tried to take it all in, but it was too much. It was horrible. It was happening too soon.

Helen let go of her hand.

Nothing to fear.

The armies charged forward.

* * *

_She does not stray far from Helen. She keeps Helen within sight as she fights. As always, Helen handles herself well, but she wants to be there if Helen is ever vulnerable, so she watches. She will not risk her chances._

_She is small, but she is sure of herself and she is experienced and she is faster. Her sword is a quick, lethal prick. She jabs right and left, wounding enemies, but never lingering for long, leaving them to lie in pain and bleed. She is a phantom, always running. Death numbs her conscience. Fear keeps her body alert._

_Helen stops, sword lowering, eyes widening, mouth opening._

_She runs to Helen, but before she can stop it, a man seizes his opportunity and slashes his sword across Helen. A scream leaps from her throat. Helen’s legs give out. She quickens her pace and stabs her sword through the man, in through one side and out the other. He grunts as she yanks out her sword. She kicks him down to the ground._

_Her heart is a drum, pounding through her skull. She goes to Helen and kneels._

_Helen is alive, but her arm is bleeding and she is crying._ “Blue, Ruth is dead. I saw them kill her.”

_She half-remembers who Ruth is. All she wants to do is get Helen to safety and get her wound treated, but there is still fighting all around them. She catches sight of an approaching enemy and picks up her sword to solve the problem. When she is finished, she returns to Helen and wipes away her tears._

“Is Helen alright?”

_It is Gansey._

_Seeing him on the battlefield is so wrong. She stares. There are smeared drops of blood on Gansey’s armor that she can’t look away from. This is not the Gansey she knows. Is there nothing war won’t corrupt with its filth?_

_Something flickers and catches her eye._ “Gansey! Behind you!”

_Gansey turns. An arrow grows from his side and then another._

_She chokes. The world is silent–_

_–Until the scream. Helen is sitting up, stumbling to get to her feet, and screaming a long, devastated scream._

_The last thing she recalls from the battle is the sound of Helen’s screams and the image of Gansey as he falls, the arrows poking out of him like evil flowers._

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

The sun was a pale golden orb high in the sky. There were no clouds. From her window, Helen watched the way the sunlight fell onto the land and felt hollow. There was no warmth. There was no glory. There was only a star large enough to be seen from earth and sometimes people forgot that it mattered.

She could hear the choir singing. A bell clanged through the air. She had felt fine when she’d woken up, but the feeling had not lasted.

The door to her chamber room opened. Blue stepped inside. Her hair was pinned up in a bun, but some strands had escaped and curled down to her shoulder blades. She closed the door softly and Helen held out a hand.

Blue walked over and took her hand in hers. “Are you ready for your coronation?”

The coronation should have been Gansey’s. Or if he had managed to turn down the crown, her brother should have been here at least, alive to see this day.

Helen closed her eyes, pained. “No, I’m not ready.”

Blue placed a hand behind her head and leaned her down to kiss her. “You’ll get through this. I’m here with you.”

Helen opened her eyes and saw Blue trying to smile. She knew Blue blamed herself for everything that had happened on that day. She wished Blue didn’t, but when she blamed herself for everything, too, telling Blue not to feel guilty was hypocritical of her.

“Should I begin calling you Queen Helen?” Blue asked.

Helen laughed and to her surprise, she meant it. “No!”

“Queen Helen does sound lovely,” Blue said, twirling Helen’s hair around a finger and absentmindedly running a hand along the scar on Helen’s arm. She smiled and to Helen’s surprise, Blue meant it.

“Helen.” Helen pulled Blue against her. She was beginning to feel alright again. “Always call me Helen.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you tumblr, check out the fanfic here: http://faerielament.tumblr.com/post/119792209191/the-raven-cycle-the-moon-and-the-sun - and reblog/like!


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